I've spent all of today sorting out the contents of a big box of source material--remnants of that life chapter--and I feel kind of bad about having abandoned it all. Googling around, it's clear that other people have independently done various pieces of what I did....and the amazing thought just occurred to me that if I could get my act together to create a web site for myself, then I could scan in and post my own dissertation. That way, maybe my work could be useful to someone even though I didn't publish it. I would really like that.
I'm also kind of embarrassed--lots of people gave me input and feedback and encouragement for my philosophy research...and I feel like I let them down. For sure, I was so attracted to the HIV community I was involved with that philosophy lost its appeal to me. That's why I abandoned it. I supposed an analogy is like giving up on a pretty decent relationship in favor of a different relationship...and then mourning the loss of the parts that were good, and wondering "what if...." after the new relationship has failed.
I dunno---it feels like there are a lot of "what ifs" bubbling to the surface of my consciousness.