energeia5 (energeia5) wrote,

resurgence of things past

Recently, it seems like there's a plethora of stuff from the 80s reappearing in my life. Lots of this being brought on by my own initiative. Right now, I'm rereading my philosophy dissertation (finished 1986), in prep for a talk I'm giving at work on thursday. The talk itself, being prompted by two independent conversations in which the topic of my case study came up. Plus--EP's request for the intro to my work.

I've spent all of today sorting out the contents of a big box of source material--remnants of that life chapter--and I feel kind of bad about having abandoned it all. Googling around, it's clear that other people have independently done various pieces of what I did....and the amazing thought just occurred to me that if I could get my act together to create a web site for myself, then I could scan in and post my own dissertation. That way, maybe my work could be useful to someone even though I didn't publish it. I would really like that.

I'm also kind of embarrassed--lots of people gave me input and feedback and encouragement for my philosophy research...and I feel like I let them down. For sure, I was so attracted to the HIV community I was involved with that philosophy lost its appeal to me. That's why I abandoned it. I supposed an analogy is like giving up on a pretty decent relationship in favor of a different relationship...and then mourning the loss of the parts that were good, and wondering "what if...." after the new relationship has failed.

I dunno---it feels like there are a lot of "what ifs" bubbling to the surface of my consciousness.
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