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energeia5's LiveJournal:
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| Monday, November 23rd, 2009 | | 8:46 pm |
discipline, continued
One of my facebook friends, a romance writer (86 books to her credit), posted to the effect that writing is hard work, and that she disciplines herself to write every day. I heard the same thing from my next door neighbor, a wellknown mystery writer. This is sobering. I'd like to believe that skill is really developed with practice and that execution of said skill would then get easier. It's on my mind with respect to collaging, as I watch myself go through contortions with respect to producing something. If I thought that it would never get easier I think I'd despair. It kind of makes sense that it won't, though. Because the more I do it, the more I'll discover what's possible, and so I'll probably hold myself to higher standards. So maybe, if I had evidence that I can trust the process, this trust would have to be what undergirds the discipline. Or maybe it's the other way around, I'm not sure. While walking home tonight I figured out what I think I need to do to finish the enneagram collage I started this weekend. It was like an "oh yeah, that's it!" moment. If I believed that the ideas would come to me, I'd have more hope. | | Tuesday, October 20th, 2009 | | 9:09 pm |
He's baaaack! Makes me glad.
About 7 years ago (can't believe it was that long but I just checked the newspaper archives), this exceedingly humorous bus driver on my route disappeared. This guy was so funny, telling stories, trying to engage passengers, being his cheerful self. But one day, his bus got kidnapped. Some psycho got on and was theatening passengers so he stopped the bus and had everyone get off, including himself. And the psycho drove off with the bus, injuring multiple people in cars as he careened along. (Luckily for me, this happened on a part of the route I don't traverse.) Anyways, the driver went out on admin leave and I heard a rumor that he had PTSD or something like that. But tonight, whaddya know, the bus driver reminded me a lot of that guy in style. (I suck at recognizing people, remember?). So I asked him, Say, are you the driver whose 42 bus got kidnapped? He was MOST impressed I remembered. A bit of the ruptured universe has been made whole. | | Sunday, October 11th, 2009 | | 9:27 am |
collage process
My current rate of progress might have this collage finished by Xmas--this is crazy! It's only 9 by 12 inches! I want it done TODAY! And it won't be. I realized last night that part of my process is that I have a hard time choosing among options for what to put where. This is a surrealistic landscape--I started with the sky and have been working my way down--but.....at the beginning I laid out paper for the whole background and I've become entranced with the patterns of that. So...I'm torn between covering up the background, as was my original plan, or leaving it, and finding a way to make the piece work that way. Result being something in between. I've got a kazillion "candidate" pieces of paper cut out, from which to choose placement. And I get torn. Well...this would work but constrain the next step.....or that would work but it might unbalance the composition (which is already unbalanced). Should I make it brighter? Leave it subdued? This is turning out to be an exercise in trust in some sort of inner sense that I'll create a piece that somehow works. Or, if not this one, then the next one. Or the one after that. My inner critic seems to be shifting ground from: "You have no talent, why try, you're only going to waste your time" to: "You're too slow, you've got to find a way to speed up or else you'll never produce enough work to get anywhere" True...I'd like to get faster, BUT....I want to make good aesthetic choices in what I put where. | | Sunday, September 27th, 2009 | | 2:16 pm |
happiness..and longing
It's a blissful morning...I'm home working on the collage that I set aside a few weeks ago. Listening to Neil Diamond (yes, I'm one of the "two kinds of people" who love ND), enjoying this gorgeous day, knowing that the rainy season will soon arrive. The demons that call into question my ability to create seem to be sleeping today--may they rest in peace and not wake up anytime soon. Days like today, I wish I didn't have to work. It's scary to think that by the time I can retire I might not be able to do what I can do now. This art form requires a steady hand and good color vision. And the ability to sit still for significant stretches. Due to social and self-pres issues I can't quit. And, if I were honest, part of me really doesn't want to. But could I work part time? Or what if I got disciplined and worked 4-10 instead of 5-8? (That's hard because so much of my job description now entails dealing with people---gobs of onsite meetings which exhaust me.) But....if I really want to do art, well...... | | Tuesday, September 1st, 2009 | | 9:48 pm |
AHA--it was SENT at 9:01 but not received till later
Enneathought for 9/2 Each type unconsciously tends to "train others" to see them in a certain way. How do you want others to see you? Average Fives can be superior about their knowledge, cynical, and eccentric. What can you do today to change this for the better? Hmmm...I'll grant "eccentric" but I don't think people see me as superior or cynical. I think I've trained people to see me as preoccupied, like: don't bother me, I'm working on something. I've been seen as abrupt. I don't like to have my concentration broken. How do I want people to see me? I dunno. I guess I want them to see me as well-intentioned. | | Sunday, July 26th, 2009 | | 7:26 pm |
| | Friday, July 24th, 2009 | | 7:07 pm |
flotsam and jetsam of thoughts
Crap! I wanted to write about something I saw on my way home that I thought was cool and now I can't remember what it was!!!! And I told myself to remember it. It got displaced by the sight of blueberries strewn across the street. And then...by the black guy on the bus carrying a big sign asking "Do you remember the 70?" with a bunch of 01101010001 next to each year. I told him that yeah, I remembered the 70s, and off we were, until another big black lady got on, and the two of them knew each other but hadn't seen each in ages! From there the conversation somehow morphed into a description of the Seattle underground--the parts where nobody goes--that apparently are 5 stories down. There's so much in my life that I find terribly amusing. Oh, check this out!!!! The Human Genre Project--collecting stories about your favorite gene--maybe I'll write one. But golly, what gene to pick???? http://www.humangenreproject.com/index.php | | Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | | 8:45 pm |
Why is it that...
I look at myself in the bathroom mirror sometimes and think that I'm beautiful, and yet when I see myself in most other mirrors or see pictures of myself, I'm horrified at how dorky and plain I look. Perhaps I shine more in faded light. | | 4:04 pm |
the last of the IEA collages
I ended up just painting the background paper. I'll mount this on 12x12 canvas, painted black. The colors look a bit better on the real thing. http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/5954/ieacollage3.pngNow I can go back to the dread of wanting to create collages but not having good ideas. There's always my default idea of a flower vase still life--to try out different techniques. Maybe I need to do one of these to prime the pump. ----- Got a headache today--dunno why. In an hour I'm supposed to go to Costco with someone to get a bunch of the montana supplies--haven't been there since we did this a year ago. Stores like Costco make me dizzy. | | Sunday, June 21st, 2009 | | 4:01 pm |
a new hypothesis
Okay, so I figure I'll rescue my collage by cutting out the enneagram part and gluing it to a new piece of background paper. This time, I decided to spray the paper first--and, lo and behold, it came out splotchy, which leads me to think that maybe the solvent is interacting with the paper--I haven't seen this happen with the images I've been cutting from magazines. So, I found another piece (I bought a bunch of 12 x 12 colored paper at a yard sale a few weeks ago--and have coated it with matte polymer--which is still too shiny. But, if I spray that, I think it will take off the shine without screwing up the paper---maybe. My other option is to paint the paper that the enneagram is currently on. I think I'll go back, in the future, to not trying to use plain background paper. Seems like more trouble than it's worth. ------ In my city walkabout I encountered a Goth yardsale, where I bought a copy of the Dalai Lama's four noble truths book. Cost me $.25/truth. Also found Ouspensky's "In search of the miraculous" at Half Price--I've been looking for that sucker for at least a year now, figuring it would turn up eventually. | | Tuesday, June 16th, 2009 | | 10:30 am |
thinking, thinking, always thinking
I figure that walking to work (~ 1hr, depending on the traffic lights) provides a good opportunity to practice presence. That is, to what extent can I observe what's happening in my body and the surrounding environment? And sustain that state of observation. At this point, the answer appears to be on the order of seconds. I doubt that I can go for even a minute without my thoughts veering off someplace other. What's really scary is that I can go about a mile, and realize that I've basically noticed nothing about my body or the environment. Yesterday, I walked right into a beam of wood that I didn't see. This should be interesting if I can stick with the intention. | | Tuesday, June 9th, 2009 | | 6:01 pm |
Okay--time for my dog rant (and their owners)
Some asshole poodle bit me on my way home tonight--fortunately I had fairly thick pants on so it didn't break skin--and the blood that pooled in the bite area seems to have dissipated so I think I'll be fine. Owner "Oh, did he just bite you?" Me: Yes! Owner. "I'm sorry." Me: "You know, you really ought to control your dog better. Someone should be able to walk down the street." Owner "Oh, I can't really control him." Geeeeeeez! So, on my bus ride home, I found myself recollecting everything I absolutely hate about dogs and their owners. 1. The entitlement thing. People who bring their dogs into restaurants and grocery stores, ignoring the signs saying only service animals are allowed. 2. People who let their dog poop on the sidewalk and don't clean it up. Corrolary--people who deposit the turds in those little blue bags and leave the bags on the sidewalk for someone else to pick up. Please....explain...why is this not your job to pick up after your dog? Same with the folks who ignore the leash laws. 3. People who can't participate in stuff because they have to take care of their dog. 4. People who treat their dog like a lover or a child. Nothing but the absolute best for poochie. Designer this or that. Pulleeeeeze, gag me! I find it somewhat nauseating. Of course, what's true is that I've never liked dogs. This stems from childhood fears of them. I hated being jumped on and licked. And I still hate it. And no, I don't just "understand". Okay, I'm done. | | Saturday, June 6th, 2009 | | 7:02 pm |
uninspired
I'm working on another enneagram collage for the silent auction. The problem is that I don't know what to put in the center portion of the grid. It calls for there to be something...but what? Spent hours looking through my collections of images but didn't find much--this one is pretty much grey, black and white. I think I'll make the next one really bright colors. My life feels pretty boring these days. I need to wake up! | | Thursday, June 4th, 2009 | | 9:31 pm |
whoa--I think we've got some big storm coming
Amazing sunset. And within the space of about 5 minutes a huge wind came up--slammed my front door shut. Boats scurrying to get off the water. Rain in the distance across the sound. Temperature dropping. Down at least 15 degrees, quickly. Guess our heat wave is over. We set records yesterday and today. | | Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 | | 7:57 am |
peacefulness of a slowed-down life
Not much happening--this is SO good! The past 6 months have been uncharacteristically social. Which has been good but..... I feel distant from my art. Right now, I'm focussing more on enneagram. I've agreed to do a session with the HR group at work. So I'm reading up. This thing will be in a week. They've hired a new HR person and the director (8w7, I believe) thought it'd be cool to break the guy in with the group this way. My entreaty to her to check it out with the guy first fell on deaf years. So I suggested they all take the free short Rheti on the EI site. I've gotten back everyone's scores but the new guy, lol. Yesterday....walking to work....it was pelting. I was tooling along and this truck must have been going 40 right through a huge puddle that splashed a tidal wave of water upon me, lol. I genuinely thought it was funny--I was already pretty wet so who cares? On my way home....drier....the wind blew a furious flurry of pink petals around me, swirling in their dance to decay. | | Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 | | 5:36 am |
sobering sp and soc stuff re: age
sp--I'm stiff. No big deal except that it's sobering to realize that after a week and a half of no exercise, my muscles would be sore with resuming. All I did was dance for half an hour and walk around. Wake-up call that "use it or lose it" might get more compelling with age. I have a neighbor who was hospitalized for several weeks and it's taken him several months to be able to walk about 20 yards. He's in his 80s. This is a wake-up call--I need to lose about 15 lbs and work on strength and balance. soc--articles and comments in the NYT lately about discrimination against older workers, especially those seeking jobs. Lots of reasons for it, including that younger managers don't want to supervise someone who's older and might have more experience. We oldies were given the advice to get in shape and dye our hair and leave info off our resumes. I'm in the top 10 of aged folks where I work--the average age is probably about 37. I come across younger than my age, so people are often surprised that I'll be 59 soon. Age kind of creeps up on you. I don't feel that different from when I was in my 30s--except that I AM different, and different for the better. More grounded, less angsty, more flexible, more amused at myself and the world. Culturally, though, I'm different. Not into the family/kid thing, not up on the latest technologies, listen to different music. (Course, I was different culturally when I was younger, too.) Seriously, I think the 50s and 60s are vibrant decades. To be considered over-the-hill at age 45 is insance. | | Monday, March 30th, 2009 | | 1:31 pm |
| | Thursday, March 26th, 2009 | | 6:50 pm |
various
I'm waiting for this work guy to show up for dinner--we're supposed to discuss art processes. I've cleaned up enough space on my table for us to eat, and cleaned up enough of the rest of the place so as not to repulse (I hope). But I've left out a bunch of my papers so he can, well, see my process! I think I'll finish the collage this weekend so long as my friend who's visiting can occupy himself while I do it. I've warned him to bring a book. I think this guy is a 2w1--he was the partner of the 4w5 "best friend" I had in the AIDS group. I imagine we'll do a lot of reminiscing. So strange to know someone for over 20 years when the intense beginnings of our friendship are still so vivit in my mind. 1988 was an amazing year for me. Seattle is such a different city. This morning, I had to wait for one of the drawbridges to go up to let some big ass weird tugboat or something go through. The place where I work is across the street from a working ship repair yard--fun to see the different yachts come and go. Even though my allergies say spring has sprung you'd never know it from the weather. 30 degrees this morning! I'm probably going to miss the leaves emerging, which I love to see each year. They'd usually be out by now, but nothing, nada, not yet. | | Monday, March 23rd, 2009 | | 8:55 pm |
I don't wanna but I gotta
Practice my talk for tomorrow's NIH site visit. I redid my slides, and got people's approval. I have to be at work by 8!!!!!! And my talk is supposed to start at 8:20 (I'm the second speaker, which is good, cuz I get it over with, but but but....) Okay, I'll do it at least once. The talk needs to be 15 min or less. I've got 17 slides. I did NOT get enough sleep last night! Was wound up over my collage. I kept visualizing cell images. There's a guy where I work who's coming over for dinner thurs night--he does kind of abstract acrylic stuff. He said he wanted to see what my "process" was. I guess this means it's okay to leave out all my stuff. My process is freaking insane!!!! Hundreds of itty bitty pieces of paper in little piles--6 red cells here, 12 blue cells there...lots of green cell pseudoleaves. When I'm a famous artist, someone can come in and photograph my "process" -- ha ha. | | Sunday, March 22nd, 2009 | | 8:44 pm |
I'm going to rescue this how?
My poor collage--I started out with the sky, and then mountains and then went on to start the wildflower garden--but it sucks. The contrast between the mountains and the vivid green of the garden is too great. I've tried conceiving various ways of fixing it but they won't work. So I cut the mountains and sky off from the green part. What I need to do is put something, I'm not sure what, between the garden part and the sky. Or at least I think I do. But what? Bear in mind that I've imposed the constraint of doing this all with cell images. I don't see how I'll finish this in time. Next weekend I have a friend visiting me and I imagine he'll want to do stuff and not appreciate me being preoccupied. And at night I can't really see what I'm doing. I've managed to get to a stage like this and forge ahead to something decent. Let's hope. When I finish this one, maybe I should, like, try something simple! Edit--okay, I found some cool blood cells that I could replace the mountains with. Not ideal, but a big improvement. I also found some other cells that would help to soften the contrast. So now, I'm pretty much where I was a couple of hours ago, except i have the collage in two pieces--sky/hills, and green wildflowers. What I'll do is work on the wild flower part, finish it, and then figure out how best to get the pieces together. This art venture will hopefully seriously benefit from practice. |
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